firsts and lasts

It's been a busy week for us.  

Firsts, being one of the biggest of Kini's life thus far: school.

Lasts, being the LAST surgery for the tearduct that will ever (hopefully, and oh how I hate to add this qualifier) be needed.  Four surgeries in 3 years is really more than enough, thank you.

Ah, kindergarten.  What can I say.  I've been tossing and turning with this one all summer, so worried about things that haven't even happened yet and may never but still my mind spins, keeping me awake at night.  

The actual first day went really well, Kini was skipping ahead of Matt and I, excited with his ninja jumps and poses only to cower behind me in fear as we got right up to the classroom door.  Kindis have their own separate entrance thankfully, away from the confusion of the older kids (some were practically my height!).  We waited with Kini until the bell rang and the door was opened.  Kini waited until most other kids had gone through the door being held open by their teacher and then walked forward, without looking back or a final hug or kiss from me.  I was sweating with relief, I had so dreaded the tears and the fears and the worries that my sweet boy has in new situations, but he surprized me by going forward on his own, a bigger boy than I give him credit for.  

note the croc shoes, chosen by Kini.  

ninja-pose, ready for action en route to school

Matt and I took the long way home, giving me enough time to cry my tears and wipe them from my cheeks.

I then started a series of screw-ups that I'm really not proud of.  

1. I mis-read the form sent home regarding the first week of school.  I thought they were doing a graduated entrance to Kindi, and were to start full-on the next week.  Imagine my surprize when I got a call from the school the next day asking where Kini was.

2. I didn't pack a snack.  Kini casually mentioned the first day that he was the ONLY kid without a snack during snack time.  Snack time?  There was no mention of snack time in anything I'd received from the school to date, but apparently the other parents knew about this and packed thoughtful and delicious snacks for their starving kiddies.  Wow did I ever feel terrible about this one.

3. He wore the wrong shoes.  Crocs are NOT permitted for outdoor or indoor shoes, and if you wear them to school you won't be allowed to play on the equipment at recess.  Note that crocs were preferred in his last preschool.  Never assume, right?

4. His backpack is too small.  We bought Kini a super cute backpack (caterpiller, see below) from Pottery Barn Kids that he picked out and has proudly worn around the house since late August. I was really happy because it was small enough that it covered his back and didn't hang down all low because they're in kindergarten and what could they possibly need a full-sized backpack for, right? Now I find out there is reason that all of the other kids were slugging around backpacks half their size and almost equaling the bodyweight I'm sure; they have to be large enough for a duotang and a book bag.  Our super cute backpack just doesn't make the grade.

5. Snacks (after I got my act together and sent one for my poor starving boy) are to be sent in reusable containers.  I thought I was being clever in sending his goldfish and grapes in ziplock baggies that weren't sealed 100% so kini could open them easier.  He's had trouble with reusable containers before and I didn't want this to be an issue for him.

wrong, wrong, wrong.

A few days after school started I found shoved in Kini's (too small) backpack a comprehensive list of all do's and dont's of Kindergarten and holy crap have I ever error-ed in most categories.  Not only am I on a first name basis with the school secretary (yes, I called the school after the first day to ask about the snack situation), but I pretty much did the opposite of what was supposed to be covered from day one.  Which, I will admit, every other parent seemed to have a grip on.

However, I'm a work in progress.

The one bright spot in an otherwise confusing, chaotic and new week was the latest (last?) tearduct surgery. We went in thinking the silicone stint that Kini had so carefully pulled out of his tearducts back in June was going to be replaced, but instead the surgeon decided to just remove it entirely.  We had gone past the 3 month wait they usually have for healing (we were waiting an extra long time to ensure the hole healed 'open') using the idea of longer is better, but it would only be about another 6 weeks before the stint was scheduled to be removed entirely, so the two birds with one stone approach worked in our favour.  Matt and I were thrilled and as Kini (of course) has his first cold this weekend, his eye seems to be draining down the duct instead of down his cheek.  This is HUGE. I've never in 4 years and 4 months (as one of the brilliantly kind nurses pointed out) seen that happen.

My fingers are crossed that last Tuesday's surgery will be the last, and that the duct will remain open.  When I asked the surgeon if the duct can close at a later date, he almost acted offended.  I'll take that as a positive answer.

And so, a huge week for my sweet boy.  Growing up and away just a little bit more each day.  

It makes me treasure lying in bed with him at night when he grabs my hand in his sleep so I won't leave all the more.

on knowing me well

It's 10:06pm as I write this, I'm currently at the computer elbow deep in work when I wish I was tucked deep into bed instead.  Matt kindly offered to bring me a snack to go with the gin, and when I said 'yes please, just a small bowl' he knew to bring me our biggest cereal bowl full to the brim.

That, ladies and gentlemen is knowing your wife.

mothertongue

I can baby-babble. I can coo with the best of them. sign language for babies? love it. I've even managed to squeak out passable answers about the sun and moon and the stars, or about how an engine works (although Kini did clarify pistons for me).

what I cannot do is this:



I mean, what on earth does this even mean?! how am I supposed to keep close with my older son if he's speaking a foreign language? what happened to bridge building and marble runs and care bears? my goodnight story requests are now about missiles and secret agents and guns. and I'm struggling and stuttering my way through calling them 'water squirters' and 'marshmallow shooters'. I stumble through stories now, always getting a disappointed sigh at the hasty 'the end', making my retreat from the story at the first exit sign.

I just don't speak fluent 'boy'.

I'm afraid of how we're going to connect as he gets bigger, and his interests stray from the alphabet and Lego. he probably won't want to play with beads with me once it's pointed out how 'uncool' it is. and I feel like an imposter with my boy-speak, just on the outside edge of phrasing things right.

and that makes my heart feel heavy.

in the eye of the beholder...

me: 'wow, that's a lot of, um, marks on your arms and hands and legs'

Kini: 'yes, I drawed them to look extra nice'



how can I argue with that?

rollercoaster

the past few days have been full of ups and downs.

first, the downs:

nuby has been really fussy and unhappy these past few days, what I'm calling the 'screaming riots'. he hasn't been happy unless I'm holding him, doing the baby bounce and walking around the room. at the slightest hint that I slow down or heaven forbid sit down, we're back to the endless screaming.

we've also been having a few rough moments with Kini too, power struggles and other four-year old problems. lots of trying to negotiate/explain/reason with a boy who has a huge vocabulary, while keeping in mind that he is, well, four.

it's been an advil kind of week.

but now the ups:

nuby has become a coo-ing cutie. he's fully responding to our coos, and his face lights up when I get him on his back in our official mama-nuby-breathy-vowels position. what really takes the cake is his conversing with us: he'll respond in coos like a real conversation. AND, last night he responded to my 'hiiii' with a picture perfect 'hiiiiiii' of his own!!

last night nuby slept in a 9-month size sleeper. he's two days shy of 2-months old. I don't know whether to be proud or terrified!!




..but I sure do love those lips.

a walkabout

we got out for a walk after dinner tonight, the four of us. Nuby in a sling on M, Kini on his bike, and I walked solo, savouring the freedom of not having two boys hanging off of me for an hour.

I swung my arms freely with glee.

we strolled/rode/shuffled past Kini's school where he will be starting JK in a few weeks... I'm so tied up in knots about the whole thing my heart races at the very thought.

but that's a whole other post that I've been struggling to write.

and I will, soon. I'll deal with it and figure out what to do.

just not tonight.

things I've learned

I'm only a few weeks into this being a mom of two boys thing, but there have been a few lessons learned already:

1. it is possible to breastfeed and do the robot (dance) at the same time. it is also possible to feel like a fool when you realize your son has actually moved on to another distraction while you awkwardly flail your arms about in robotic fashion while repeating 'do-the-robot'.

2. it is possible to go an entire day without eating only to wolf down your dinner without tasting it to get to your snuffling baby before he cries so your milk doesn't come in before you're ready, while keeping your left eye on your older child and offer him praise for eating well.

3. when you tell a four-year-old that you have eyes in the back of your head (which he doesn't realize is you just looking in the mirror at what he is trying to get away with), he will believe you. and bring it up often. which isn't necessarily a bad thing I'm learning because I kind of like that it's now my official superpower. and superpowers are very respected in this household. I see this coming in handy in the teenage years.

4. that it's possible to be bone-crushingly tired yet giddy with glee at finally, finally getting your baby to sleep in your lap on the nursing pillow after hours of false
starts only to hear a sweet voice call from the other couch 'mommy I'm hungry'. and that the tears that escape your eyes in defeat and despair will prompt your older son to rush over and say 'mommy, I love you' as a consolation attempt which only makes you cry harder.

4. that when you take fenugreek in an attempt to boost your milk supply not only do you now smell like maple syrup, but your pee and your baby will too. (it's also used to flavour cheap maple syrup, who knew).

5. that this pointy pixie ear will delight your very soul.


6. that it took a few weeks to get used to our new baby, but now that the sleeplessness is routine, you will want to pause time forever to hold your sweet boys in your arms.

7. that you will be ridiculously grateful when your baby sleeps 2 full hours at night between feedings. that these two hour intervals will make you feel like supermummy the next day until your body crashes at 4pm and you literally count the minutes until your husband comes home with fresh arms.

8. that you will look at moms with more than one child in awe and wonder how on earth they can be so put together--you can tell they've recently showered.

9. that the saying 'sleep when the baby sleeps' is still complete and utter crap. I have things to do, thank you, that I would totally be doing if I could just get the sleeping baby off of my lap.

10. that the feat of getting both kids out the door, one on bike and one in a sling for a 10-minute bikeride will be comparable to scaling Mt. Everest in your eyes. And that while you're ready to rush around the block, your body will protest with painful squeaks in your over-widened pelvis.

11. and finally, that watching your new son smile when he sees your older son come close will make your heart go mushy and tears creep into your eyes, to witness the power of the older sibling. Nuby is smitten with Kini and I can't wait to watch them grow up together.

a beginning, of sorts

this. this right here is where I am, among the chaos that a 4 year old and 5-week old bring. and am I still technically a newlywed? 9 months married, and yes that would be a honeymoon baby.

let's take a tour of chez moi, shall we?


welcome to my living room (via fuzzy iphone photo). this is my life. that on the left would be what is left of our green couch, enthusiastically disassembled each day by by our 4 year old, Kini (kee-nee, and yes it`s a nickname). you can see the crumpled aftermath of said young boy's body on the cushion on the floor post-couch-jump.

that swing in the foreground would be the loaner swing that our 5-week old nuby (pronounced 'newbie', as named by Kini when I was pregnant, and yes another nickname), sat in and enjoyed for approximately 5 minutes one day many weeks ago had has rejected on a daily basis since. rejected by much writhing and yelling, I might add. yet still we try..

that extra large and ugly square coffee table is barely visible under the clutter, would you believe it actually has a glass top? and is intended for the storage of, well, drinking glasses and such?


moving a little to the north-west you'll note another couch (oh look! we have a floor!). see that empty spot on the right? that's where I spend my day, with nuby either feeding or sleeping on me. he doesn't like to be put down, ever. never ever.

to the right of the couch is the playpen, a charming device that has a shallow insert where your newborn is intended to sleep. our newborn, however, does not. ok, we've been able to get him in there a few times, but he really really prefers to sleep on something with a heartbeat. that elbow shaped yellow thing on top would be my nursing pillow, Aka the most useful item in our house right now. its big enough to serve double duty when I'm feeding nuby that Kini can cozy in beside me and tuck his legs under and feel a part of what we're doing. it's the only thing I can get nuby to sleep on (which is a whole other post), and it's really useful when you're reading. not that I've done that lately.

the tall black and white barrel in the middle would be one of our laundry baskets-- the bane of my existence. I truly don't mind doing laundry, I'm just flabbergasted at how much more there is to do with the addition of a pint sized baby.

the table just cut off on the right is our dining table, the hub of the living room.. when we find the time and coordination to eat at it. half of it is more than likely covered with stuff, here you can see the latest acquisition: the game of golf.


and here is the couch, reassembled. sort of. it's a grand effort by son number one, and the neatest that room looked all day (just ignore the massive table of clutter in the foreground).

and that's kind of how my days have been going these past 5 plus weeks. everything gets pulled apart during the day; the house, even me, and gets put back together, sort of, when my darling husband returns home.

why ginmummy? because I'm taking my new chaotic life as a family of four one drink, erm I mean day, at a time.