firsts and lasts

It's been a busy week for us.  

Firsts, being one of the biggest of Kini's life thus far: school.

Lasts, being the LAST surgery for the tearduct that will ever (hopefully, and oh how I hate to add this qualifier) be needed.  Four surgeries in 3 years is really more than enough, thank you.

Ah, kindergarten.  What can I say.  I've been tossing and turning with this one all summer, so worried about things that haven't even happened yet and may never but still my mind spins, keeping me awake at night.  

The actual first day went really well, Kini was skipping ahead of Matt and I, excited with his ninja jumps and poses only to cower behind me in fear as we got right up to the classroom door.  Kindis have their own separate entrance thankfully, away from the confusion of the older kids (some were practically my height!).  We waited with Kini until the bell rang and the door was opened.  Kini waited until most other kids had gone through the door being held open by their teacher and then walked forward, without looking back or a final hug or kiss from me.  I was sweating with relief, I had so dreaded the tears and the fears and the worries that my sweet boy has in new situations, but he surprized me by going forward on his own, a bigger boy than I give him credit for.  

note the croc shoes, chosen by Kini.  

ninja-pose, ready for action en route to school

Matt and I took the long way home, giving me enough time to cry my tears and wipe them from my cheeks.

I then started a series of screw-ups that I'm really not proud of.  

1. I mis-read the form sent home regarding the first week of school.  I thought they were doing a graduated entrance to Kindi, and were to start full-on the next week.  Imagine my surprize when I got a call from the school the next day asking where Kini was.

2. I didn't pack a snack.  Kini casually mentioned the first day that he was the ONLY kid without a snack during snack time.  Snack time?  There was no mention of snack time in anything I'd received from the school to date, but apparently the other parents knew about this and packed thoughtful and delicious snacks for their starving kiddies.  Wow did I ever feel terrible about this one.

3. He wore the wrong shoes.  Crocs are NOT permitted for outdoor or indoor shoes, and if you wear them to school you won't be allowed to play on the equipment at recess.  Note that crocs were preferred in his last preschool.  Never assume, right?

4. His backpack is too small.  We bought Kini a super cute backpack (caterpiller, see below) from Pottery Barn Kids that he picked out and has proudly worn around the house since late August. I was really happy because it was small enough that it covered his back and didn't hang down all low because they're in kindergarten and what could they possibly need a full-sized backpack for, right? Now I find out there is reason that all of the other kids were slugging around backpacks half their size and almost equaling the bodyweight I'm sure; they have to be large enough for a duotang and a book bag.  Our super cute backpack just doesn't make the grade.

5. Snacks (after I got my act together and sent one for my poor starving boy) are to be sent in reusable containers.  I thought I was being clever in sending his goldfish and grapes in ziplock baggies that weren't sealed 100% so kini could open them easier.  He's had trouble with reusable containers before and I didn't want this to be an issue for him.

wrong, wrong, wrong.

A few days after school started I found shoved in Kini's (too small) backpack a comprehensive list of all do's and dont's of Kindergarten and holy crap have I ever error-ed in most categories.  Not only am I on a first name basis with the school secretary (yes, I called the school after the first day to ask about the snack situation), but I pretty much did the opposite of what was supposed to be covered from day one.  Which, I will admit, every other parent seemed to have a grip on.

However, I'm a work in progress.

The one bright spot in an otherwise confusing, chaotic and new week was the latest (last?) tearduct surgery. We went in thinking the silicone stint that Kini had so carefully pulled out of his tearducts back in June was going to be replaced, but instead the surgeon decided to just remove it entirely.  We had gone past the 3 month wait they usually have for healing (we were waiting an extra long time to ensure the hole healed 'open') using the idea of longer is better, but it would only be about another 6 weeks before the stint was scheduled to be removed entirely, so the two birds with one stone approach worked in our favour.  Matt and I were thrilled and as Kini (of course) has his first cold this weekend, his eye seems to be draining down the duct instead of down his cheek.  This is HUGE. I've never in 4 years and 4 months (as one of the brilliantly kind nurses pointed out) seen that happen.

My fingers are crossed that last Tuesday's surgery will be the last, and that the duct will remain open.  When I asked the surgeon if the duct can close at a later date, he almost acted offended.  I'll take that as a positive answer.

And so, a huge week for my sweet boy.  Growing up and away just a little bit more each day.  

It makes me treasure lying in bed with him at night when he grabs my hand in his sleep so I won't leave all the more.

on knowing me well

It's 10:06pm as I write this, I'm currently at the computer elbow deep in work when I wish I was tucked deep into bed instead.  Matt kindly offered to bring me a snack to go with the gin, and when I said 'yes please, just a small bowl' he knew to bring me our biggest cereal bowl full to the brim.

That, ladies and gentlemen is knowing your wife.

mothertongue

I can baby-babble. I can coo with the best of them. sign language for babies? love it. I've even managed to squeak out passable answers about the sun and moon and the stars, or about how an engine works (although Kini did clarify pistons for me).

what I cannot do is this:



I mean, what on earth does this even mean?! how am I supposed to keep close with my older son if he's speaking a foreign language? what happened to bridge building and marble runs and care bears? my goodnight story requests are now about missiles and secret agents and guns. and I'm struggling and stuttering my way through calling them 'water squirters' and 'marshmallow shooters'. I stumble through stories now, always getting a disappointed sigh at the hasty 'the end', making my retreat from the story at the first exit sign.

I just don't speak fluent 'boy'.

I'm afraid of how we're going to connect as he gets bigger, and his interests stray from the alphabet and Lego. he probably won't want to play with beads with me once it's pointed out how 'uncool' it is. and I feel like an imposter with my boy-speak, just on the outside edge of phrasing things right.

and that makes my heart feel heavy.

in the eye of the beholder...

me: 'wow, that's a lot of, um, marks on your arms and hands and legs'

Kini: 'yes, I drawed them to look extra nice'



how can I argue with that?

rollercoaster

the past few days have been full of ups and downs.

first, the downs:

nuby has been really fussy and unhappy these past few days, what I'm calling the 'screaming riots'. he hasn't been happy unless I'm holding him, doing the baby bounce and walking around the room. at the slightest hint that I slow down or heaven forbid sit down, we're back to the endless screaming.

we've also been having a few rough moments with Kini too, power struggles and other four-year old problems. lots of trying to negotiate/explain/reason with a boy who has a huge vocabulary, while keeping in mind that he is, well, four.

it's been an advil kind of week.

but now the ups:

nuby has become a coo-ing cutie. he's fully responding to our coos, and his face lights up when I get him on his back in our official mama-nuby-breathy-vowels position. what really takes the cake is his conversing with us: he'll respond in coos like a real conversation. AND, last night he responded to my 'hiiii' with a picture perfect 'hiiiiiii' of his own!!

last night nuby slept in a 9-month size sleeper. he's two days shy of 2-months old. I don't know whether to be proud or terrified!!




..but I sure do love those lips.